Day 745: donuts

i recently found out about a weekly vegan night market in la, and shiva, sam, and natasja were down to go so i started planning on how i was going to FEAST. my plans was to meet my protein goal for the day in as few calories as possible and then just go nuts at the night market, but i was a bit bummed when i saw that i had taken up half of my day’s calorie allotment literally only drinking protein shakes

(my daily calorie goal is 1700, my daily protein goal is 150g, and 6 servings of protein powder got me 120g of protein in 840 calories)

so i guzzled it all down throughout the day and finally rode my motorcycle for 45 minutes (holy heck, it takes a long time to get to downtown LA from culver city) to get there. this place was basically vegan heaven. the food trucks ranged from sushi burritos to pizza to bbq to chicken sandwiches to asian food to DONUTS and i walked back and forth between all the trucks mesmerized by all the options and wanting to consume everything in sight

the problem was that i wanted to get food and a donut but i only had about 850 calories remaining and i felt like a kid with $3 in a candy store trying to decide how to spend his money. so what i decided to do was just eat to my heart’s content (i.e. get a monster burger stuffed with vegan pulled pork, the impossible meat, mac & cheese and a cookies and creme donut with chocolate filling and also eat some of shiva’s chicken sandwich because he has this special ability where he can just eat part of something and then just decide to stop (???) which i don’t understand because i cannot stop myself from finishing food and this is probably from my conditioning where my grandparents drilled into me that wasting food is an unforgivable sin and i really wish i could unlearn that but here i am, still compulsively finishing things even when i don’t want to eat it but in this case the food was yummy so i did want to finish it all). okay where was i. so i decided to eat eat eat but i also decided beforehand that i would just accept that i’m going to go over the day’s allotted calories and i figured i could just do another day-long fast to counterbalance the surplus since the last fast i did felt pretty good and also comes with the bonus of having a myriad of health benefits. so i’m not planning to eat anything tomorrow

all my friends who are into fitness and/or fasting are probably like “yeah bro as long as you’re hitting you’re hitting your calorie and protein goals at the week-level, you’re good” and all my other friends are probably like “oh boy dk’s developed a full blown eating disorder”

don’t worry y’all, i’m good. you can view it like skipping dinner because you’re still too full from eating a really big lunch except i’m doing it over a longer time span. i honestly enjoy these huge feasts and fasting afterward seems fine so i’m thinking of maybe making this a regular thing (once a month?)

it’d be nice if i could just wish myself into not liking sweet/processed things and lose my compulsion to continue eating past the point of feeling satisfied

i’m excited to not think about food so much once i finish this cut (probably 2 months out?)