Day 738: cursed night

11pm: go to bed, feeling good about going to sleep before midnight

1:30am: wake up

1:30am - 3am: lie in bed, waiting for sleep to take me. it does not.

3am: resign myself to being awake. go to the living room, drink water, and continue reading the body keeps the score on my kindle.

3:30am: decide to try to go back to sleep. maybe mindless consumption would help? take my laptop into my bedroom which marks the first time that i’m using an electronic device in bed since moving here. not a habit i’m trying to create but this is a one-time exception. load the starcraft gsl finals on youtube

4:15am: put the computer away and try to fall asleep

4:15am - 5am (?): lie in bed for what seems like forever, watching my thoughts wander and feeling the weight of my body on my futon mattress. it’s a meditative state that feels similar to the onset experience of psychedelics. finally lose consciousness

5am (?) - 11am: repeat the cycle of falling asleep and waking up every 1-1.5 hours. one time i go pee in the bathroom. another time, i get up and put in ear plugs. each time i wake up, i ask my body why. it does not answer

11am: feel exhausted but force myself out of bed

all of today: tired, low energy, can’t focus for more than 3 seconds

halp