Day 691: grateful

i was leaving my house at night on my motorcycle to make the drive back to la and i was suddenly enveloped in the warm glow of gratitude

then i realized that i should probably pay attention rather than blissing out if i want to continue this existence

some of the things i feel grateful for right now:

that i am conscious — how wild is it that we get to experience anything
that i am in good health and have no ongoing pains (besides this finger that won’t heal and prevents me from climbing!!! but it’s minor). even though i haven’t been sleeping well and getting nightmares fairly consistently for the last few weeks, i mostly feel great in my body and my mental space has been a pleasant place to occupy
that my parents and grandpa are in good health and that they love me. even though i still often feel annoyed by my parents, i feel like i’m starting to accept them more as they are rather than what i want them to be. yes, my dad will be a self-assured conspiracy loonie. i can still love him. yes, my stepmom will say something insecure and negative about her cooking despite me reassuring her hundreds of times that her food is fabulous. i can keep reassuring her. i did some metta phrases while hugging my dad and stepmom earlier and that helped me soften up toward them in real time
that my sister doesn’t hate me like i thought she might. we don’t speak too often and after a disagreement from months ago, i thought her lack of reaching out might have stemmed from her not wanting to talk to me. but we talked today and things felt warm and loving so i think i was reading too much into it and that the lack of reaching out has more to do with her just not being the kind of person to proactively stay in touch rather than bad feelings
that browserflow had such a successful launch and that it’s actually starting to become an actual business. i’ve never crossed $1k in monthly recurring revenue before and it’s exciting to see people value the service enough to pay amounts like $150/month just to use it
that i am financially secure. i feel like i’m spending my time basically playing a fun game where i can build a project i find interesting in exactly the way i want. i can set my own rules and i feel incredibly lucky that i don’t have to worry about paying rent or putting food on the table while i pursue my interests
that i have loving friends who i appreciate and feel appreciated by. an example: being in la has made it much easier to meet up with a small group of friends from my childhood on a fairly regular basis and we have a group chat that is basically the only group chat i am regularly active in. even though they will spare no moment in telling me how dumb i am for riding a motorcycle, i know it’s all out of love (or at least that’s what i tell myself anyway).
- aside: i started writing about all the other friends who i deeply cherish because i don’t want them to read this and think that i only care about the group of childhood friends i wrote about above but honestly that exercise felt foolish because there are so many friends i feel grateful to have in my life and trying to make an exhaustive list here is silly. if you are one of these friends, you know i love you even without me having to list you by name
i can go on like this forever so i will just end here

ty life/universe/god/me for this