Day 350: Quality of Attention

Sometimes talking works a lot like writing where you hear yourself express an idea and it helps you understand how you feel about it. Whenever this happens, it’s surprising because our mental model around expression expects the process to flow in the other way where you know how you feel and then express it. But self-expression can often feel like trying on different ideas and narratives and seeing which ones resonate.

I had that experience recently when talking to friends at my hostel about why I have such a strong preference for in-person interactions over digital ones (emails, texting, phone calls, video chats, etc.). It’s about the quality of attention.

When you’re interacting with someone in person, it’s natural to both give and receive all of your attention to the interaction. You look them in the eyes. You can sense their feelings through their body language and they can sense yours. You’re both fully present in the moment.

With digital communication, the norm is to be splitting your attention. We might be text messaging multiple people at the same time. While talking on the phone, you might be thinking about something else with the other person none the wiser. When video chatting, your eyes might glance over to a notification that just popped up on your screen and you might start thinking about that. It’s difficult to give and receive one’s full attention when there are so many distractions at hand.

As wonderful and convenient as smartphones and other technologies are, I can’t help but feel like we’ve lost something precious along the way.