Day 447: filtering

i’m noticing that i’m filtering again. when i wrote the post about my chrome extension being taken down by google, i knew that there was a good chance that the post would take off (which it did).

i went to cloudflare to upgrade my plan so that my site would be able to handle the traffic, and as i was doing so, i inadvertently saw that hundreds of people read road to ramen every day.

the reason why i’ve avoid checking analytics for this site is because i honestly would rather not know. i’d like to keep this my private space where i can spill out whatever comes to mind, where i can jot down half-formed thoughts and think out loud. i wish i could disable tracking traffic on cloudflare so that i won’t be exposed to it when going there to configure my settings, but i don’t think that’s possible.

the result of seeing that is that now when i write here, there’s subtle internal pressure to write something worth reading for all those people reading this journal. but i don’t want that because that defeats the purpose of this space. in the past few days, i’ve noticed myself self-filtering and choosing not to write about something because i didn’t feel comfortable being completely raw

while sharing with others is an important part of keeping this journal, the more valuable part is giving myself the space to regularly reflect by writing. and if i’m not able to do that here, then maybe it’s time to keep a private journal instead and publish pieces meant for sharing separately.

or maybe if i wait it out, i can ease back into feeling comfortable sharing things here.

hm, not sure.